The Post-Game - Hitman: Absolution

Ever play a game that just drips with high production values and class, but you still don't like it? That's how I feel about Hitman: Absolution. I realize that it's something plenty of people will enjoy. I just didn't. Do I think it's worth picking up? Sure, if it's on sale. And you're bored.

If that sounds like I'm getting ready to drop some grade-A hate, I'm not. At least, I don't want to. There is so much about Hitman: Absolution that just reeks of care and attention. The graphics are amazing. Not necessarily a reason to buy a game, but they are. The voice acting is superb (Keith Carradine and Powers Boothe? Hell yes!). The soundtrack works incredibly well, giving an almost Bond-esque ambiance without ever getting too loud. While some levels are occasionally re-used, there are a lot of different locations and settings. And as far as the story goes, I felt incredibly close to Agent 47 (he's quite sympathetic, despite his stoicism). Sneaking from cover to cover feels fluid and natural. Weapons are deadly (headshots are a breeze with the Silverballers).

So what's my problem?

Most of the levels are claustrophobic (the opening Chinatown level and the cornfield level are exceptions). The paths through the levels are restrictive. And some levels don't even bother to hide their linearity (final rooftop level, among many others). There's no way to level-up Agent 47. Upgrades are unlocked based upon how high of a score you received upon completing a mission. But the points system clearly favors a specific path – even penalizing for non-target knockouts. I was never a fan of the Assassin's Creed games' “full synchonization” mechanic either, but this just ticked me off. There is no loadout customization; you start every mission with choke-wire and (after you unlock them) the Silverballers. Other weapons are acquired by finding them or picking them up from dead enemies – but it doesn't matter, because you'll be back to the piano wire and Silverballers once the next mission starts.

Disguises are actually not a problem; there are plenty of them around. Using them is sometimes strange, though. If planning to ghost through a police station, DON'T try to use a police uniform as a disguise. Why? Because if a cop gets too close to you, he'll detect that you're not a real policeman. Makes sense, I suppose. But in a level crawling with police, disguising as a police officer becomes a questionable strategy – which seems counter-intuitive to me. Much better to knock out a homeless person and take his disguise, since the officers won't detect you. But then, dressed as a homeless person, you won't be able to enter restricted areas without attracting attention anyway. Several times I just lost patience and started taking innocent people out to facilitate progress – and several times got embroiled in a full-on gun battle. Which actually wasn't that bad. If you're careful, 47 has a ton of health, and headshots are 1-hit kills. Add in the deadly Instinct combat mode, which has elements of the VATS system from Fallout, and 47 becomes an absolute wrecking ball of death.

There were some great moments, though. Ghosting through the flaming warehouse while troopers searched the premises was a thrill. Heading deeper underground through a mining facility with guards everywhere was a delicate game of cat-and-mouse. And trying to take out three henchmen in Chinatown with throngs of people everywhere was easily the most enjoyment I had from Hitman Absolution. Somehow I thought every level would feature that amount of variety and detail, and I'm disappointed that (to me) it didn't. Hitman: Absolution is polished and does what it sets out to do, but ultimately it's only a mediocre game that is sprinkled with some great levels.

The Post-Game: Thief (2014)

I really wanted to recommend this game and if you're looking for a dark stealth adventure, it'll do the job. But there are plenty of other games out do the same thing, and do it better. While I'm not on the "the original Thief games r the BEST!" bandwagon, those games were simply much more fun to play. I still had fun with the new Thief - the game tries hard to be engaging. Stealth is required the minute Garrett steps out of his hideout, interacting with the environment is key to success, and there are multiple ways to accomplish a given task. Sounds good, right?

Except the actual game-play of Thief - thieving and strategizing - happens the same way too many times for the game to carry my interest through to the end (I did get there eventually on my third attempt). The story could have been engaging, but characters are under-developed (some only appear in cut-scenes), show up for no reason, and are blessed with campy B-movie dialogue. The cutscene at the end of the game, while complete, made me think there might have been more to the story, but it was trimmed or cut. Who knows.

The mechanics of the game work well, but as before, there's little variation: put out fires to create shadows, throw a bottle to distract guards, and swoop to the objective. What should have been a thrilling exploration of an open world Steampunk city is instead reduced to a grind-fest for loot in a lot of close alleys. Some of the level designs are great - the house with the moving walls was one of my favorites - but the novelty passed quickly once I realized that most loot would be acquired (yet again) by rifling through the desks and closets for pens, ashtrays, golden saucers, scroll holders...

In a sense, Thief really is Kleptomania Simulator. You scamper around the City, stealing random sh*t. But to me, Thief should be about “the job,” not about stealing random sh*t. There are three kinds of jobs in Thief: Main (story) jobs, client jobs that an NPC will provide, and Basso's side jobs. Story jobs advance the story; yes, there's theft along the way, but even with the massive amount of loot in the Baron's mansion, thieving still feels like an afterthought because there's literally no reason to do it. Client jobs have a minor story of their own, but there are only two clients (each provides three missions). Jobs from Basso are side-quests that give some gold and a notice on screen that it's completed. Even though they're acquired from different sources, they all have a similar feel and execution.

The graphics are great, but intense. If you're looking to showcase a killer gaming rig, Thief has settings aplenty that can be cranked to impressive levels. But great graphics and some fun mechanics are betrayed by a very average use just about all other game elements. The setting needed to be opened up. The music creates tension without being memorable. Enemies only come in three varieties. The enemies' AI all behaves the same (extremely predictable). And boss battles - what a joke they are! If first-person stealth is your thing, get it by all means. Just don't expect a genre defining experience, and you'll probably enjoy it.

On challenge mode:
There are three maps (one of which is DLC): the Asylum, the Baron's mansion, and the House of Blossoms (all excerpted from the main game). Collect loot before the time runs out. Every time you gather loot, the count-down resets. It's an arcade-y addition that might help refine your thieving technique (there are enemies present), but with only three maps it's little more than a distraction. And if you don't purchase The Forgotten DLC (the Asylum map), there are actually only two maps...

On the Master Thief edition:
The Master Thief edition is b*llsh*t. You get: the Opportunist Booster Pack, a digital comic book, and the digital soundtrack. The Opportunist booster Pack contains items that can be acquired in-game, you just get them at the start. To get the comic book, you have to take the code provided and enter it into an external website. To get the soundtrack, you have to enter the code you receive into a different external website. BUT THE SOUNDTRACK IS NOT COMPLETE. I only received 10 tracks of the soundtrack this way. The full album on Amazon is 20 tracks. A straight-up cheat, plain and simple. Don't get the Master Thief edition.

On DLC:
Of the DLC, the Booster packs are not pay-to-win, but they are pay-for-an-advantage. The Bank Heist is fun if short. If feels like a left-over level for content that was cut from the game. It's fun, but the value of the loot is disappointing, and it can be beaten in 30-60 minutes. If Challenge mode is something you enjoyed, the The Forsaken challenge map is worth the price - on sale at 80% off, of course.